Forgiveness - Not So Easy

He was a hard man. His life was filled with sorrow of many kinds. A broken child grew into a broken adult and he made poor choices that deeply affected his family and himself. When he was drunk, he was abusive. When he was sober, he was unpredictable. His lifestyle led him stammering his way through with great instability until the final years of his life.

She loved him very deeply. Yet, she would find her life with him painful as she would be left with the children for days on end, without any resources other than self determination to keep her family going. When he returned from a drinking binge, she would readjust her lifestyle to allow him in. Times were tough and she made the best of all she could.

The children grew and were determined to do better with their own families. Many accomplished their goals. When their parent’s 50th anniversary came, they celebrated with food, fellowship, and gifts. Both parents were present. However, by the time the evening approached, they went their separate ways. He went back to the house they had lived in for many years, which had an outhouse for a bathroom. And she went back to her apartment, that had modern facilities.

Only God knows for sure if she forgave him upon her death bed. He had given her many reasons not to, even bringing an illegitimate child into this world. However, no one could ever deny how she tried desperately to work with him through the years. Perhaps her love for him was greater than herself? Maybe the Lord gave her a portion of divine love for this desperate man, whereby; she could continuously try to work though things time after time.

I like to think she did forgive him in the end. Her character and development of faith leads me to think that in the end she forgave all. She labored in death until the time came for her to depart. I think in some cases when people have issues – there’s a type of spiritual cleansing that takes place so that when they leave their bodies, they can enter the holy of holies sanctified, purified, and washed by the blood of the lamb. In her last days, while she was in the hospital, he had a stroke by her bedside. He became 90% blind. With only seeing through one eye, the diameter of a straw hole, he had spent his last days sitting and meditating over his life. I believe his "purging" took much longer because he never took time to examine his life and consider his wrong doings. I had the opportunity to share Christ with him, which he assured he believed in Him. And once again, I like to believe he came to the true saving knowledge of Christ and was forgiven and forgave all who he carried oughts for.

Even though they remained married for over 50 years, they ended up living apart, dying apart, and being buried – apart. Their bodies and stones being placed in two separate cemeteries is an example of how time can slip away and unsettled matters can live on after we pass on.

Some offenses run deep. This is especially true when a person causes pain and destruction, in exchange to fulfill their own selfish desires. However, if we can grasp the spiritual concept that our ability to forgive is a choice that God calls us to, He will honor our desire to be forgiving. We can discover a deeper relationship in Him as He walks us through the journey of forgiveness.

Forgiveness isn’t always based on what we can do on our own accord. There are difficult situations where we need to rely on God’s desire for us to walk in forgiveness. If we don't we can slip into living behind the "walls of unforgiveness" which we put up from offenses. However, we mature spiritually as we choose to trust and rely on Christ; who Himself carried all sins to the cross and made a path for freedom for mankind, even in forgiveness.

When we realize the trials of forgiveness develop a greater spiritual dependence for believing in God to help us, we can rejoice with confidence that He will work on our behalf. After all, it’s His desire we experience this precious gift in both receiving and giving forgiveness. There is no greater joy than to be forgiven and there is no greater sense of walking in freedom than to forgive our offenders. We remove ourselves from the responsibility of being their god, and trying to make the wrong doings "right". When we forgive and release the offender to the Lord, God deals with them directly. This spiritual journey isn't always easy though. In scripture Peter asked, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. (Matt 18:21&22) There are some situations where we will choose over and over again to forgive because that is what the Lord calls us to do.

The feeling of freedom doesn’t come immediately. It comes as we trust that God is going to take over and we fight the temptation to allow anger settle in our hearts and take root. Forgiveness comes when:

1. We choose to release injustice done to us and give it to God.
2. We choose to meditate on healthy (Godly) thoughts.
3. Pray for God to help our offender.
4. Allow time to bring feelings of freedom.

There is freedom in Christ and it can take time and persistence. Just as it takes time for a child to learn to tie his shoe, spiritual applications take time to develop too. If we were to calculate forgiveness as Jesus spoke we’d see that it is a process. Multiply 70 x7 and it comes to 490 times! If you were to think about it, it’s like forgiving the offender, once a day, for over a year! It doesn’t always come easy. Attempting to walk in forgiveness is far better than leaving it unsettled and possibly taking it to the grave. The peace and maturity you receive as you choose to do it God’s way brings a freedom that nothing else can.

God Bless!
Deborah :)

Power of Forgiveness

I quickly ran out the door to catch my father because I remembered something important I wanted to tell him before he drove away. In my attempt to catch him,I forgot about the frying pan I left burning on the stove. My husband saw smoke brewing over it and quickly moved the pan. The hot grease slid up the side of the pan and onto his hand. By the time I got back into the house he was in agony and running cold water over his hand.

I felt horrible. I could not believe I left the pan on a burning stove and that he took the pain of my mistake. I was certain he would be angry at me and I certainly was angry with myself. Without one word of anger, he ran his hand under cold water for quite some time to prevent the burning from penetrating the layers of skin. We carefully dried it and put lavender oil on it and then I tearfully apologized several times as I wrapped his hand in gauze. He graciously replied, "It was a mistake, it will be okay, I will be okay." His second degree burn has scared his hand to this day. Often times when I look at his hand and see the discoloration from the scars, I am reminded of the power of forgiveness.

I now have a place in my soul that clearly “knows how it feels” to be the forgiven one. When he holds me with that hand - I am free to love and be loved by him. The wall of unforgiveness does not keep us separated. Guilt and shame of making this mistake does not reign over the power of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is NOT a natural human instinct. When somebody does us wrong, it is often hard to forgive them and move forward. There is something inbred in us that longs for justice. However, there are stories upon stories where people make mistakes and there is nothing they can do to change it. We cannot turn back the hands of time and undo what has happened. We have to choose between forgiveness and unforgiveness.

Oh but the joy of forgiveness! To have and to know what it means to be forgiven. Jesus made the way for us to give and receive forgiveness. He took all the mistakes of mankind that led to sinful lives, lives that would separate us from the Heavenly Father, and carried them to the cross. Upon that cross He pleaded, “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they do.” Luke 23:34 And then shortly after word, He took His last breath. His death did not end with a plea, but in victory! When He arose from the grave it became very clear that Christ had the victory over all the mistakes and sins of fallen world. He became the ultimate example of forgiveness for mankind to see. We now have the opportunity to grow and walk in it and discover the Power of Forgiveness on our journey in life….

This blog will focus on the Power of Forgiveness over the next few weeks. Forgiveness is a lifelong process for everyone because we frequently run into opportunities, by default of our humanity, to mature in it.



God Bless!
Deborah