Let's See What You Are Made Of...

We've been fortunate enough to send two kids off to college. Up until that time, I had a huge impact on their education because we are a homeschool family. We take our faith, family, and education quite seriously. Due to where we live, our social life was a bit limited. Even though they were part of an Educational Co-op group and participated in activities and they attended a youth group they didn't really hang out with their peers for pizza and movie nights. So going off to college, they were little tiny fish in a pretty big pond.

When the "big day" came for them to enter our community college I had a little prepping to do. I had to explain to them that just because a professor says something, doesn't mean it's the truth. That was a reality concept for them to grasp, especially since they were raised to respect and submit to authority. We were also careful to surrounded them with Biblically wise council. Never the less, college is a place where students are going to hear and experience situations that are going to directly rub against everything they had been taught. I would tell them, "This is where the rubber meets the road. You'll be faced with information that is completely opposite of what you've been raised to believe. And you, not me, not you father, not your uncle, not your anybody will be there to tell you if it is right or wrong. You will have to face yourself and what you believe. We're gonna find out what you're really made of." And off they went.

They both grew to handle difficult situations well. I would often ask opened ended questions, giving them an opportunity to share what they had experienced, on a daily bases. If they said something didn't matter, I would ask what the something was. I didn't let them off the hook easily. I had seen many Christian children walk away from the faith in the college years. I was determined to fight spiritually (on my knees) as well in the natural (daily conversations) for my children. The world probably seen me as overbearing, but I didn't care. Most people thought of me that way anyhow since I homeschooled. But I could see the writing on the wall for this generation of young people and if the culture could convince them there wasn't a God to be accountable to - it would. I had to fight for my faith, it wasn't handed down to me. I wasn't going to sit back and let the culture rob me and the blessings for my future generational line.

They grew and became prepared for the next step. Life away from home, on campus. This meant they would not be coming home at night. They would be given more opportunities to explore life ... and face what they believed. Both children had been on our local No Messin' Around team. They taught abstinence before marriage. Now they both would have ample opportunity to test that teaching. I told both of them before I left the campus, "You've taught other students about abstinence but now you'll have to decide if you really believe in it - for yourself - especially if you have a boyfriend. It's about you and what you believe - I won't be there, your dad won't be there -  ultimately, it's between you and God. If for some reason you think you're going to do something you'd better use protection. I don't have to know what you choose, but as any good parent, I desire you to continue to be wise in your choices." I gave them a hug and a kiss and walked away to let them make their own decision.

I would pray for them each day. I stayed as close through phone conversations as much as possible.  I watched my girls grow and prosper. It's possible they've done things I don't know about. However, they're at an age that even if I don't know about it - it's between them and God. I am confident that the Lord's love and grace would help them if they found themselves in an undesirable situation. Their father and I are still here for wise counsel but the transfer of parent dependence and God dependence has taken place. On the outside things look good. They both have a relationship with the Lord and hold fast to our family values. I humbly say, I guess what we taught them - they still believe...and I continue to pray.

God Bless!
Deborah :)

Forgiveness vs Reconciliation

Have you ever heard of the cliché, “forgive and forget?” I heard this statement growing up but I couldn’t get myself to agree with it. Even as a dedicated Christ believing adult, I just can’t accept these words.

I discovered the reason why.

In my mind, I would have to become friends with the offender once more and accept their behavior. Yet, the words, “Not again,” would ring true in my heart as I would watch them repeat their behavior to others. As much as I would be willing to allow Christ to work in my heart to forgive, I couldn’t forget what they had done. I wouldn’t want to put myself in their line of fire any longer. Without Christ revealing truth in their lives, I would never be able to come to a place of reconciliation. Yes, I could forgive but I couldn’t reconcile and forget.

To forgive is to release the offender from your desire to have repayment for their wrong doing. This God given instruction is something you choose to obey, "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive him, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses," (Mark 11:14). In the hardest situations you will discover by the grace of God, you are able to forgive and have healing.

Reconciliation takes two parties surrendered to God's way for healing. Both sides recognize the offense. The offender must realize what they have done and apologize for their wrong doing before the relationship can be mended. The victim also needs to accept their apology. Reconciliation takes effort and deliberate work from both parties. With God working in both hearts, it's possible. In time, creating new and better memories will overcome the past and forgetting the offense will become easier.

Unfortunately, there are times that the offender does not come to a place of seeking an apology. It's even possible they take their unrepentant behaviors to the grave, which is between them and God. Never the less, you can walk in peace as you have been obedient to do your part and trust the Lord is working on the situation.

In a perfect world, we all would get along nicely and nobody would get hurt. Since we do not live in a perfect world, there are people who offend and justify their behavior. Sometimes their offenses are downright abusive. It’s nearly impossible to reconcile with someone who continues to bring harm. It’s best to pray for them,"Bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you,”(Matt 6:28). In time, the offender may come to terms with their actions and seek your forgiveness. I’ve heard many stories whereby the offender had the revelation of Christ and they were able to apologize to their victims. Once they sought forgiveness, it gave room for reconciliation. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. Now all things are of God, who reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation,” (2Cor 5:17&18).

It’s important to remember two things about forgiveness vs reconciliation:

Forgiveness is between you and God as you choose to be in obedience to His instruction.

Reconciliation is between you, the offender, and God. Each one works together to have the victory of reconciliation.

Once an offense has taken place, you can’t go back in time to change what has happened. However, you can change the outcome by allowing Christ to work in you. It's important to forgive. But forgetting requires a healing process which often comes hand in hand with reconciliation and rebuilding the relationship.

Sometimes it’s hard to know how to pray for our offender. Here’s an example, but remember it’s not just the words you speak to God; it’s your heart that’s most important:

“Dear Lord, thank you for giving me the courage to forgive (you give name). I ask that you help them understand what they have done (and are possibly still doing). Help me to be kind in their presence as I wait upon you Lord~Amen.”

God Bless!

Deborah