Forgiveness - Not So Easy

He was a hard man. His life was filled with sorrow of many kinds. A broken child grew into a broken adult and he made poor choices that deeply affected his family and himself. When he was drunk, he was abusive. When he was sober, he was unpredictable. His lifestyle led him stammering his way through with great instability until the final years of his life.

She loved him very deeply. Yet, she would find her life with him painful as she would be left with the children for days on end, without any resources other than self determination to keep her family going. When he returned from a drinking binge, she would readjust her lifestyle to allow him in. Times were tough and she made the best of all she could.

The children grew and were determined to do better with their own families. Many accomplished their goals. When their parent’s 50th anniversary came, they celebrated with food, fellowship, and gifts. Both parents were present. However, by the time the evening approached, they went their separate ways. He went back to the house they had lived in for many years, which had an outhouse for a bathroom. And she went back to her apartment, that had modern facilities.

Only God knows for sure if she forgave him upon her death bed. He had given her many reasons not to, even bringing an illegitimate child into this world. However, no one could ever deny how she tried desperately to work with him through the years. Perhaps her love for him was greater than herself? Maybe the Lord gave her a portion of divine love for this desperate man, whereby; she could continuously try to work though things time after time.

I like to think she did forgive him in the end. Her character and development of faith leads me to think that in the end she forgave all. She labored in death until the time came for her to depart. I think in some cases when people have issues – there’s a type of spiritual cleansing that takes place so that when they leave their bodies, they can enter the holy of holies sanctified, purified, and washed by the blood of the lamb. In her last days, while she was in the hospital, he had a stroke by her bedside. He became 90% blind. With only seeing through one eye, the diameter of a straw hole, he had spent his last days sitting and meditating over his life. I believe his "purging" took much longer because he never took time to examine his life and consider his wrong doings. I had the opportunity to share Christ with him, which he assured he believed in Him. And once again, I like to believe he came to the true saving knowledge of Christ and was forgiven and forgave all who he carried oughts for.

Even though they remained married for over 50 years, they ended up living apart, dying apart, and being buried – apart. Their bodies and stones being placed in two separate cemeteries is an example of how time can slip away and unsettled matters can live on after we pass on.

Some offenses run deep. This is especially true when a person causes pain and destruction, in exchange to fulfill their own selfish desires. However, if we can grasp the spiritual concept that our ability to forgive is a choice that God calls us to, He will honor our desire to be forgiving. We can discover a deeper relationship in Him as He walks us through the journey of forgiveness.

Forgiveness isn’t always based on what we can do on our own accord. There are difficult situations where we need to rely on God’s desire for us to walk in forgiveness. If we don't we can slip into living behind the "walls of unforgiveness" which we put up from offenses. However, we mature spiritually as we choose to trust and rely on Christ; who Himself carried all sins to the cross and made a path for freedom for mankind, even in forgiveness.

When we realize the trials of forgiveness develop a greater spiritual dependence for believing in God to help us, we can rejoice with confidence that He will work on our behalf. After all, it’s His desire we experience this precious gift in both receiving and giving forgiveness. There is no greater joy than to be forgiven and there is no greater sense of walking in freedom than to forgive our offenders. We remove ourselves from the responsibility of being their god, and trying to make the wrong doings "right". When we forgive and release the offender to the Lord, God deals with them directly. This spiritual journey isn't always easy though. In scripture Peter asked, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. (Matt 18:21&22) There are some situations where we will choose over and over again to forgive because that is what the Lord calls us to do.

The feeling of freedom doesn’t come immediately. It comes as we trust that God is going to take over and we fight the temptation to allow anger settle in our hearts and take root. Forgiveness comes when:

1. We choose to release injustice done to us and give it to God.
2. We choose to meditate on healthy (Godly) thoughts.
3. Pray for God to help our offender.
4. Allow time to bring feelings of freedom.

There is freedom in Christ and it can take time and persistence. Just as it takes time for a child to learn to tie his shoe, spiritual applications take time to develop too. If we were to calculate forgiveness as Jesus spoke we’d see that it is a process. Multiply 70 x7 and it comes to 490 times! If you were to think about it, it’s like forgiving the offender, once a day, for over a year! It doesn’t always come easy. Attempting to walk in forgiveness is far better than leaving it unsettled and possibly taking it to the grave. The peace and maturity you receive as you choose to do it God’s way brings a freedom that nothing else can.

God Bless!
Deborah :)