I struggled my way to make a decision. Yes, I was in Church last week. No, I wasn't the week before. My attendance had been sporadic throughout the summer. Yet, I knew if I made myself go, I would be much like a pharisee. One who walked around doing the religious acts and demanding it from myself and others, but empty inside.
Then a question popped in my head...what about intimacy with God? Yes, people can energize me, but I didn't want to be energized by people. I realized that only being with God would settle my soul and ultimately fulfill my desires.
So I made a tough decision. I decided to stay home. This time I wasn't missing Church because I was getting someone off to college, sitting with someone in the hospital, or taking a family vacation. This time I was missing Church and staying home for me.
I walked my way past the messy kitchen and meandered my way into the office. I completely ignored the piles of paper which had screamed at me all week to be cleaned up and I picked up my guitar. I first began playing a couple of songs that mentioned God in them. Then I quickly moved to a few songs I had written, I'm Desperate for Your Presence was one of them. I longed to be in the presence of God. The Lord knew my heart and peace began to abound. While I was in the presence of the Lord, I felt led to take communion, with Him. The time was sweet!
Feeling good about how I spent my time, I though it was important to face my day. I quickly took my shower aimed to tackle that messy kitchen. But on my way back to the kitchen I noticed something. It was beautiful outside.
Before I knew it, I was outside walking the land. Oh, how I had missed it so greatly. God's beauty was everywhere. In the sunshine, rich green grass, warm fall breeze, and I simply had to stop again. I pulled a chair out of the shed and sat myself in the middle of nowhere. I just rested. I needed rest.
As I walked my way back to the house I thought this might be a good writing piece. However, I did question myself once again as scripture from Hebrews 10:23-25 came to mind...
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.
Guilt began to arise and then I remembered grace. Yes, grace. I realized that people would understand. The brothers and sisters who I had contact with through-out the week would understand. They knew what was going on in my life. I also decided to extend grace to myself. I had been on an antibiotic for an infection and eventhough I didn't feel sick, I was indeed on the mend. I felt relief as I realized I had been in fellowship with man through-out the week. And yes, that morning I found a deep fellowship with God.
My sanctuary was outdoors. It was like being in the Garden of Eden, and yes the Lord with me and it was good.. very good!
God Bless!
Deborah :)
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