Anyone who has been around for a while has probably figured out that life calls us to walk through some hard stuff. Everyone faces these challenges differently and I don't think there is one human being immune to it. I choose to find God in all that comes my way, and I have learned so many things.
I remember "stepping up" for my father's sake. The journey was long, hard, and yet as I look back, it's one of the most rewarding seasons of my life. Through his battles with mental illness, I had seen the hardest of times. When he was sick, he was afraid of everything - including me. He was not the person I knew when he was well. Yet, as I watched God transform his life, my faith, and leave a legacy of faith for my children to respect and care for the elderly and sick, I am thankful for His abiding presence in our lives.
My father's first encounter was shortly before I got married. He did walk me down the aisle in the Church, but kept his sunglasses on to protect himself. Six months later he ended up in the Behavior Science Unit. I thought my world would fall apart. Where is God in mental illness? I would ask these questions. Nobody had answers.
In my confusion, I sought the Lord. I discovered that God never created us to live like my father had lived, and he had met his breaking point. Everyone has a breaking point.
My father's second encounter, he almost lost his life as he attempted suicide. I had planned to take him to the doctor because he wouldn't eat, couldn't sleep, didn't talk, and hid in his room all day. On the day of his doctor's appointment, he tried to take his life! I found myself angry at God because He didn't let my father have his way. I didn't understand that God is the author and finisher of our lives. I thought it was my father's "right" to have his way.
In my anger, I sought the Lord and discovered He loved me even when I was angry and didn't understand His ways. God's love beyond my anger won me over and softened my heart to understanding that His ways are not my ways. His ways are better.
My father's third encounter broke my heart. The doctor had persuaded me to take him off one medication, which could have a bad side effect. He put him on another medication, which didn't work well. The medication transition left him out of his mind for a year. He became a drugged up,walking zombie that roamed the streets endlessly.
In my sorrow, I cried out to the Lord and learned that he delivered His people! Miracle after miracle I watched my father improve and become a better man than he had ever been.
My father never did have another major relapse after that one. The Lord blessed him in his later years. At the age of 63 he went onto glory the best way ever. He laid his head down at the kitchen table for a "cat-nap" and in a blink of an eye, he was gone. Our final prayer had been answered, he died at peace and in his sleep. Even though I still have days of sadness because he's not here, I am thankful knowing I will see him again someday.
In my joy, I rejoice knowing the Lord never gives up on us. As we press into Him, He restores us!
“So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,
The crawling locust,
The consuming locust,
And the chewing locust,
My great army which I sent among you.
You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied,
And praise the name of the Lord your God,
Who has dealt wondrously with you;
And My people shall never be put to shame.
Then you shall know that I am in the midst of Israel:
I am the Lord your God
And there is no other.
My people shall never be put to shame." Joel 2:25-27
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